Emotional Cutter
The world is against me!
Does this sound like something you have said or would say? Emotional self -harm is a very heavy topic these days with both young people and adults, producing very low self -esteem and self image. Physical self -harm, also referred to as cutting, is a form of self -harm, often brought on by other psychological issues. The physical signs can be overt, unless one has covered him/herself up all the time with long sleeves and long pants. There is another form of cutting that is not necessarily physically violent, but also causes self -harm and self -injury: emotional cutting . Other words to describe this form of abuse are self -hate, or self -loathing.
During a classic Sex and the City (the movie version),Carrie Bradshaw scene in is (to no surprise) exasperated with her dating situation and proclaims to her friends, “I don’t know why…I’m an emotional cutter”. Similarly, in Eat, Pray Love (the movie version), actress Julia Roberts claims she is sick of counting calories and has made a proclamation to end her self -loathing before standing in front of a mirror and enjoy good food instead. Really? That much hate over a pizza? The reality is that this happens all the time, and it can be a vicious cycle: we feel great about life ; then, an event occurs which shifts our equilibrium. We may tumble, or we may step up. Then, just as we start to balance our emotions, BAM! We’re back re-evaluating our motives and cursing ourselves for making that ‘bad decision’ or harboring that ‘bad thought’. So I started to evaluate my life , my relationships, and looked around at others. Do we all have a mild form of self -injury, self -loathing in us? Surely we all have moments of self -hate and self -pity. We call our friends, tell our versions of the story, and explain how the world is against us, right? Myself, I’ve tried to resurrect presumed-dead relationships, blaming my action on my staunch loyalty to the friendship. In the end, I find myself where I began, and not much to show for the experience but some new emotional scars in between.
Why do people need to ‘stir the pot’? I have written about self -hate before, and the technique of positive self -talk to counter its affects. Yet this topic surfaces in our self -esteem workshops repeatedly (www.HEARTwomenandgirls.org). Why do men and women (of all ages) purposely seek out drama in their lives with others (ex-friends), attend events that could bring on confrontation, or engage in conversations that should be avoided? Why do people enjoy tearjerker movies? Why do people cheat? (Yes, cheating involves self -injury and creating drama). Why do people listen to sad, heartbreaking music? Why do some people try to mend a broken relationship? It’s one thing to be loyal, and quite another to be foolish. Where does one draw the line? Whether it is a soured parent-child relationship, siblings who don’t talk anymore, or a romantic relationship that has ended in tears, each scenario carries an aspect of pain, sorrow and tears; yet we all do it. We all try to fix it. The question is: where does one draw the line? Do you know your own boundaries? What makes you? What breaks you? What are your deal-breakers? It’s one thing to be hurt by others, but it’s quite another to inflict abuse on ourselves. Do we do it because we are afraid of the status quo? That our reality is in fact not good enough, not even for ourselves?
Now I leave you with this: how did we arrive at such a juncture, which presumably society has established, that allows us to self -hate, injure our emotions, and/or abuse our own selves? What do you think perpetuates this vicious cycle of emotional cutting?
