Inspirational Woman February 2016: Elizabeth Lesser

ELIZABETH LESSER is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Omega Institute , an education and retreat center focusing on health, wellness, spirituality, creativity, and social change. Omega was founded in 1977—a time when a variety of fresh ideas were just sprouting in American culture. Modern medicine was beginning to consider the value of prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection. Seeds from Eastern philosophies were being planted in the West, cross-fertilizing with science, psychology, and religion, and blossoming into a new, global spirituality. World music, dance, literature, and art were influencing each other in exciting ways. And social change movements like feminism, civil rights, and environmental sustainability were changing our cultural identity and social structures. Elizabeth’s immersion for more than 30 years in these areas informs her work and writing.

A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan since 1971, Elizabeth has also studied with spiritual teachers and religious scholars from other traditions, as well as psychological practitioners and healers. Her first book, The Seeker’s Guide: Making Your Life a Spiritual Adventure (Random House), chronicles the uprising of a new spirituality and provides the reader with a map through the four landscapes of the seeker’s path: The Landscape of the Mind; The Landscape of the Body; The Landscape of the Heart; and The Landscape of the Soul. Her second book, the New York Times bestseller, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), is a guide for anyone going through a difficult time. Its real life stories inspire the reader to use adversity for inner growth. Broken Open has sold almost 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Elizabeth’s third book will be published in September, 2016. Entitled Marrow: A Love Story, it is a memoir about being her sister’s bone marrow donor, and the process and journey they went through baring their souls to each other as a way of helping Elizabeth’s cells take root in her sister’s body. It is also a book about taking risks of authenticity with all the people in our lives—not waiting for a life and death situation to offer one’s soul marrow to each other and to the world.

Elizabeth speaks at events around the world on issues of spiritual growth, cultural change, and women’s empowerment. She is also the cofounder of the Omega Women’s Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series she created. These renowned gatherings feature women leaders, business mavericks, authors, activists, and artists from around the world. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth . The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah’s Soul Series, a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday . In 2011, she gave a TED talk at the first TED Women conference, Take “the Other” to Lunch .

Elizabeth attended Barnard College and San Francisco State University, majoring in early childhood education. She received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California, in 2011. Previous to her work at Omega, she was a midwife and birth educator. Besides being active at Omega, she spends her time writing, gardening, cooking, and being with her husband, children, grandchildren, and friends in New York’s Hudson Valley. She has been active in feminist and environmental issues for years and considers it her responsibility and honor to be part of the ongoing evolution of life on our beautiful planet.

She was a frequent host on Oprah’s Soul Series, a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday . In 2011, she gave a TED talk called Take “the Other” to Lunch at the first TED Women conference.

Elizabeth attended Barnard College and San Francisco State University, and received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California, in 2011. Previous to her work at Omega, she was a midwife and birth educator. Besides being active at Omega, she spends her time writing, gardening, cooking, and being with her husband, children, grandchildren, and friends in New York’s Hudson Valley. She has been active in feminist and environmental issues for years and considers it her responsibility and honor to be an engaged citizen of the world.

1. You co- founded the Omega Institute in 1977 to give spirituality, holistic healing and social change movements a physical space. In 2015 do you think these are still areas that need societal focus?

Spirituality, healing and social change will always need to be a focus in the lives of individuals and the progress of cultures. I define spirituality as a longing in each of us—the longing to be at peace, to be wise, to have a life of purpose. It involves looking deeper within at changes each one of us can make. Holistic healing has never been more important because the whole planet now depends on the understanding of whole systems—how eating well isn’t just about one person’s health; it’s about how we farm, how we clean up rivers and soils and the air we breathe; it’s about climate change and equitable sharing of resources. That’s true about holistic health: how the health of all of us is related to the health of each of us.

2. How have we progressed since 1977 in regards to consciousness as a society?

Despite the alarming state of our country and our world, I do believe we are evolving as a society and as a species. For all the horror of the past year, we also saw so much progress. The Climate Change talks and agreement; the passage of marriage equality laws in the US and around the world; the reinvigoration of feminism by younger generations; the ways in which people are connecting across differences through technology. These and many more positive changes keep me hopeful that consciousness is awakening. Certainly there is huge backlash and backsliding and we must remain vigilant. But I like to mix a little hope with my vigilance. Without hope and positivity, bitterness and defeatism set in.

3. Today we are inundated in the media with daily conflict on race, religion, hostility towards others – are we in a spiritual crisis?

Humanity has always been in a spiritual crisis! In the past, when religions were more firmly entrenched in all aspects of society, it may have looked as if people were more moral or altruistic. But if you look closely at history, humans have always struggled with their capacity to love, to accept others, to live in harmony with each other and the environment. There are many more people in the world today and a media that never quits—so the human tendency toward violence and greed feels amplified. It’s in our face all the time. On some level, this is a good thing. Because with so many more of us, with dwindling resources, and with powerful weapons, it’s critical that we evolve as a species. I think we will. We may have to learn our lessons the hard way, but I think we will.

4. Can being centered in our spiritual source actually solve political and societal strife?

Complex problems are never solved by one thing. So no, focusing only on how each person can change spiritually will not get us over the hump. But I do believe that it’s a critical piece of the puzzle. Like Einstein said, “No problem can be changed by the same consciousness that created it.” We have to dig deep within ourselves to find a way of being, of relating, of communicating, of acting that doesn’t keep recreating violence and greed. We have to cultivate a new consciousness within ourselves if we’re going to create a new social consciousness. I always find it alarming when people talk about peace and love and justice in the world, and then treat the people at home or work unfairly, unkindly, selfishly. How we are every day with the people in our lives, with the way we consume, with the way we are at work—these are as important as making big changes on the global and political scale.

5. Let’s talk about the United States specifically, when people travel abroad, they often remark how more relaxed and laid back people are, even in developing countries. Being a country with such natural resources, wealth and opportunity – why do you feel stress and anxiety are high here?

I think we are drunk on money, things, success, fame, status. None of this brings lasting happiness or meaning into life. None of this matters most. Enough studies have been done that reveal the ingredients for happiness and stress reduction: good relationships, time to be with family, good sleep, nourishing food, art and nature. But American values have strayed from placing importance on the things that make for a happy, healthy life. If there’s no time in our day to enjoy what we are working so hard for, and if we only interact with our kids under great pressure, and if we don’t get to stretch out on a hillside and watch clouds move across the sky—what are we doing? Why are we doing it? These are important questions for all of us to ask ourselves. Why do we think we need so much stuff, extra cars, more gadgets, bigger houses? What do we think these will bring us? What is the cost of all of this—on our health, our children, our planet? We need to stop and reexamine the bedrock of our nation’s value system.

6. Today, women are taking prescription medications for anxiety, social anxiety and stress more than ever before – why do you think that is?

I want to start by saying that some people really need and benefit from anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs. These drugs have been lifesavers for many. But we have gone TOTALLY overboard in the way we use anti-depressants and pain medication. Life here on earth is not easy for anyone! I don’t think the purpose of life is ease—I think we are here to learn and grow. Growth can be painful because you have to shed old ways of doing and being. It’s natural to resist pain, but that often keeps us from growing, and growth is what really makes us happy. Oftentimes people—and way more women than men—will go to a doctor or therapist in the midst of a difficult transition. Maybe they are pushing up against a change that wants to happen; a rut they may be in; a difficult conversation that needs to be had; a relationship that’s stuck in a negative groove; a difficult job or boss or financial situation. Or maybe just that classic nagging feeling of time passing by; of a deeper purpose wanting to be lived. And the doctor will prescribe medication to help dull these feelings. This is a tragedy if you ask me. Because most emotional anguish is there for a reason. Inner turmoil is usually what the author, Jeff Brown, calls a “truth ache”—not a tooth ache, but a truth ache. A truth ache is that unsettling feeling that change is brewing. Most of the time, a truth ache is a messenger from the deep, come to tell us that our lives and the lives of those around us could be better.  If we medicate ourselves every time we feel a truth ache, we lose out on the opportunity to grow, to make positive change. If we medicate our children we stunt their growth and their capacity to learn from challenges. If as a society we are dulled to the real problems that need to be solved, we won’t work for justice, we won’t vote, we won’t care. People often tell me that they don’t like the practice of meditation because when they stop and slow down they feel sadness or anxiety just below the surface. They’d rather just medicate those feelings away. But that discomfort may have all sorts of information about an individual’s life and about our society. We need to feel the discomfort sometimes in order to make a change. We need to stop thinking that the purpose of life is to feel comfortable! It’s not. It’s to be radically alive, to make a difference, to work hard for what we believe in and to enjoy deeply and grieve loss and feel everything. Joseph Campbell said that the purpose of life is to “feel the rapture of being alive.” You don’t get the rapture by dulling the pain. They are two sides of the same coin.

7. This condition of women, stressed and on prescription medications; what do they mean for the world and people around them?

There’s a wonderful book out now by the psychiatrist, Julie Holland, M.D., called Moody Bitches . Dr. Holland has conducted research for many years on women and prescription medication. The book is a groundbreaking guide for women of all ages that shows women’s inherent moodiness is a strength, not a weakness. She writes, “As women, we learn from an early age that our moods are a problem. Bitches are moody. To succeed in life, we are told we must have it all under control. We have to tamp down our inherent shifts in favor of a more static way of being. But our bodies are wiser than we imagine. Moods are not an annoyance to be stuffed away. They are a finely-tuned feedback system that, if heeded, can tell us how best to manage our lives.” She goes on to say that when women’s moods are sedated, the whole culture loses out on women’s wisdom. I have spent years running conferences for and by and about women, and I have come to see that to be a good leader and to offer something of value to our world, a woman needs to respect her emotional nature; she needs to feel comfortable expressing her anger, her joy, her intuition, what she knows is right. She needs to be comfortable crying in a meeting, if tears are a legitimate response. She has to stop caring so much if other people thinks she “nice,” and instead marshal her formidable emotional intelligence and fill her sails with it, for her own sake and for the sake of a world in desperate need of feminine wisdom and power.

8. We, at The Skinless Project believe women are the foundation of every community and this needs to be reflected in the way we treat women, empower women and categorize women in our public and private spheres. What are your thoughts on the notion that women have not been treated as the pillars that they are here in the United States?

I have spent the last 20 years focusing on the question! It’s a fascinating, exhausting, critical question. Fascinating, because gender issues in the workplace and at home and in society are to me the most foundational questions to our culture. Exhausting, because its crazy that after all this time, women are working as hard as men and still being paid less; we are as highly educated and experienced as men, but in less leadership roles; we are still doing most of the work at home, even as we do as much work out of the home. Why is this? I think it’s because of the entrenched structures of patriarchy, and also because of our own lack of confidence. We talk about empowerment and being authentic to who we are, but self confidence is a very hard thing to pull off for any human being, and it’s even harder when your very personhood is invalidated or shamed or threatened. Women have always been invalidated and shamed and threatened just for being themselves. Bold, curious, opinionated, self-actualized women have been labeled bitches and witches and worse from the beginning of time. You can go all the way back to curious, bold Eve in the garden. You can go back to ancient Egyptian and Greek texts that describe women as having mental illness just because they spoke their minds or wanted something for themselves other than being a mother or a mate to a man. I bristled when I read that Donald Trump said he “cherished” women. I don’t want to be cherished. I want to be respected as a human being; I want to be safe in the streets; I want to have equal pay and power at work; I want this for me and for all women and girls. I want all people to cherish each other, but justice and equality must go hand in hand with the cherishing.

9. The messages we receive play a powerful role on how we view ourselves. We believe women are more than skin deep (hence our name). Why do you think women are still obsessed with the physical self and external beauty? And how do we break from this obsession?

I love how beautiful and classy women are. I love when people—women and men—take care of the precious bodies we have been given. I love the creativity of fashion. But as you say, that’s on the skin. I’m more interested in what lies beneath. For millennia women found their power in the way they looked. If men ruled the world and if they loved women for how they looked, well who could blame you for focusing on physical beauty? But that was then; we have to imagine and create a new now. One where our power and influence and sense of self come from within—from our intelligence and our creativity and our feelings and our values. There is nothing wrong with a great haircut and a new pair shoes. But they dress up who you are underneath the skin; not the other way around.

10. Do you feel technology specifically social media and texting are a woman’s asset or liability?

I don’t think our gadgets are necessarily bad. It’s how we use them. I love texting and social media. But I have to be very careful because I can begin to use them as a way of not being present to other things, people, places. As long as we moderate our use, I think social media and texting are a grand invention.

11. It is said that women by participating in social media end up becoming depressed and fall into comparing their lives to others- how do you feel this effects the potential of women in our society?

This is a great question and I think we need to talk about it more. FOMA (Fear Of Missing Out) is a real phenomenon. I feel it all the time on Facebook. I’ll see that a friend has taken a trip to Paris, and it will make me feel like I’m a real stick in the mud. Why don’t I get out more? Be more adventurous? I’ll notice that someone’s kid is doing such-and-such, or their husband did this-and-that, or they wrote a new book, or got an award, or they moved, and I’ll start comparing myself and my family. I’ve made it my spiritual practice when I notice those FOMA feelings coming up, to stop, breathe, remember that no one’s life is what it seems to be. I saw a bumper sticker once that read, “Normal is someone you don’t know very well.” All those people on social media whose lives seem so much more “normal” than yours? You are mistaken! We all expend so much energy trying to look a certain way, when the truth is that everyone suffers, everyone is a mess, and everyone deserves joy. Remember that the next time you feel FOMA when you’re reading Facebook or looking at pictures of your friends vacation. See if you can take joy in their joy, even as you remember that everyone’s life is complex. It’s a great practice. Try it!

12. Your book, Broken Open encourages readers to face their grief and value it.  Why is grief a powerful emotion we must embrace and how can we deal with grief in an empowering way?

There is an art to grieving. To grieve well the loss of anyone or anything—a parent, a love, a child, an era, a home, a job—is a creative act. It takes attention and patience and courage. But many of us do not know how to grieve. We were never taught and we don’t see examples of full-bodied grieving around us. Our culture favors the fast-food model of mourning—get over it quick and get back to work; affix the bandage of “closure” and move on. I am not a big fan of “closure.” It sounds so abrupt, so tidy, so final. I prefer old-fashioned words like mourning, lamentation, and grief. They suggest a slow and sloppy process—one that involves emotional upheaval, interrupted activity, and dark nights of the soul. They describe the true nature of family gatherings and memorial services, which are never easy or neat. Grief is messy and painful. No wonder we may want to steer clear of it. But grief is also a tonic. It is a healing elixir, made of tears that lubricate the heart. When a friend or family member dies—or when the world loses one of its beloved citizens—we should not hold back our tears. Our tears, and the sense of confusion and alienation that can follow a loss, are not signs of your weakness. Grief is the proof of our love, a demonstration of how deeply we have allowed another to touch us. Grief is often confused with depression or self-pity. While one can certainly go into a woeful tailspin during the grieving process, in the long-term grief is not the same as depression. If we gloss over our grief, then we might become depressed. Unfelt feelings and unexpressed grief have a way of dulling life. It is as if with every grief we do not feel, we stuff another handful of our vitality underground, until we are numb or sick or embittered.

13. You have a new book coming out Marrow : A Love Story. Tell us, why do people wait to be authentic with each other in times of crisis only? How can we, in a practical manner remind ourselves the value of authenticity in our relationships now?

I was my sister’s bone marrow donor because she had lymphoma and would die without a transplant. We decided to clean up our relationship as a way of helping my cells take up residence in her body. It was an amazing experience, and that’s what my new book is about. It took courage to go really deep with each other, and to reveal things to each other that we never had. We found such a strong, healed love in the process, and it gave me the courage and impetus to do that with other people in my life. That’s what the book is about—why to be more authentic with others, why we are so afraid of it, how its easier with some people than others, how sometimes it creates miracles in your life, and sometimes it doesn’t work, but even so, it’s worth it. It builds character to bring your whole self to the table, to be honest, to be real. It lets you know who that other person really is and what kind of relationship you can have. I believe bringing your full self into relationship—at home, at work, in the world—is one of the bravest thing women can do.